Wit: Nihilistic Flight Terminal Announcements

Trip 666 to Fatality Valley will certainly currently be leaving from Entrance 13. Yes, you listened to that right. I claimed Trip 666 to Fatality Valley. Fatality is where we are all heading anyhow, so you may too come on board. Nonetheless, please board just when your area is called.

Please do decline baggage or bundles from others you do not understand due to the fact that it’s most likely an improvisated eruptive tool or a fruitcake. In any case, however, absolutely nothing actually exists, so do what you desire.

Please do not leave your baggage ignored unless you wish to. I indicate, worst-case circumstance, a person plants a bomb in there and most of us pass away today. Best-case circumstance, a person tucks away a million bucks in medicine cash in there and most of us pass away later on. What’s the distinction?

Interest guests showing up from Cleveland on Trip 211. You can accumulate your baggage at Luggage Case B, D, S, or Z. We can not state which one with any type of degree of assurance due to the fact that it is difficult to be particular concerning anything. Like, are any one of us also actual?

According to TSA policies, cigarette smoking is restricted in the airport other than in marked locations. Please avoid cigarette smoking or relocate to among the marked cigarette smoking spaces and actually hotbox it up therein. In any case, the dark darkness of fatality is intruding upon everyone.

Since this is a complete trip, we are asking for that any person with big carry-ons please examine them at eviction. We excuse any type of trouble, yet are you actually mosting likely to grumble concerning needing to wait 5 mins for your bag when life is only a sluggish and tortuous slog towards fatality?

In a couple of minutes, we will certainly start the boarding procedure. Please have your boarding passes all set so we can leave in a prompt fashion despite the fact that time is only an impression developed by our determined minds in an effort to enforce order and definition upon disorderly nothingness.

Trip 755 to Honolulu has actually been terminated because of a mechanical concern and due to the fact that there is no factor in taking a trip to an exotic heaven. Certain, it may feel like an enjoyable concept, yet you will not keep in mind trips or anything else when you disappear. The trip will certainly not be rescheduled.

Suggestion to guests: Lots of bags look alike. Additionally, all human beings look alike after they pass away and their bodies are gone back to the planet where they came. Please examine that you have the right bag prior to leaving the luggage insurance claim location.

Interest guests. Sorry for the hold-up, yet the staff is en path and ought to show up for a little while. To put it simply, you may pass away prior to they show up or you may not, yet you will absolutely pass away at some point. Thanks for your persistence and thanks for flying with us today!

Trip 322 to Orlando, Florida will certainly leave in 10 mins!